There's a big group of us all here in Kathmandu. 5 kiddos, nurse Emily, Tope and Libby included. We had four doctor's appointments today in four different hospitals with some of our kids who needed some serious medical attention. Waiting for doctor's, MRI's, blood tests... the whole thing. Anjali is here applying for her passport, I've got a shopping and To Do List that could stretch across all of China and today is my sister Libby's last day in Nepal. It's all a little overwhelming. I feel sad and Nepal is being extra hard on me right now. This field of work is hard, just flat out hard sometimes. I can sugar coat it all I want because my kids are so amazing and adorable, and our school's doing great and we're learning and growing and learning and growing. The birthday parties, and soccer games, all my children sleeping up tangled together on the roof under the stars, and their incredible progress in school. Their smiles. Their full bellies. It's a tough season and Emily's working her butt off trying to keep the kids as healthy as she possibly can, handling their infections, and making hospital visits on a daily basis, preventing things from turning serious and life threatening. Namraj still insists on being held in my presence and I give in because I just love the way he wraps his arms and legs around me so tight like little a monkey. He is a toddler talking machine who turned 2 and a half this week and melts my heart on daily basis. I have blessings to count for sure. Overall, these things outweigh the bad and make the days full and worth it.
But the suffering gets to me some days too. I mean really gets to me on a physical, emotional and psychological level and I'd be lying if I didn't write this right now. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I wouldn't mind trading places with someone else right now. I'm scared about the fact that there's no water ANYWHERE. Here in our hotel in Kathmandu it's being delivered in a tank truck, but what about everyone else? The hospitals, the schools. I'm worried about all those women up in Kalikot and the kids I saw whose mom just died giving childbirth and the ones whose dad died and were living in a cave. I could have easily brought down a good 20 kids with me and it took everything in me not too. But now I can't get their faces out of my head. The kids begging on the streets. The pollution. This extreme poverty. The political turmoil. Sometimes I feel immune to it all and other times I'm just scared. Days like today I'm flat out tired and overwhelmed and I don't know what to write because I'm really just feeling sorry for myself for how hard all of this is and how I just had no idea what I was signing up for.
I'm going to miss my sister a lot. This experience of intimately working together and loving and raising these children together for the past 2 years has changed us forever. It's hard for me to picture my life without her right now. I just know how much I've taken having her here for granted. I know my kids may never get a better English teacher. She taught them how to speak and write and express themselves in ways I could have only dreamed about. Honestly, Nepal has tested our relationship leaps and bounds, in ways that I never thought possible. But I'm so grateful. So grateful that the word grateful doesn't seem like enough for what she's done for me and this project.
Tomorrow is another day. And everything will be okay. I have faith that somehow my kids will be healthy and strong again and that I have many good days to come with my sister both here and back home and I know, really, I wouldn't change places with anyone, although facebook stalking makes it tempting at times. I just need some sleep and a few more hours in the day.