sleep training
Monday, May 7, 2012 at 11:24PM 
I'm trying to sleep train Namraj this week. We set up a little mattress with a mosquito net in the room that attaches to mine but bedtime has NOT been a pretty scene. I know it's time for him to start sleeping in his own bed or at least with one of his brothers but so far just about every night he's crawled back into bed with me and at some point I always give in. It hasn't helped that he's been running a fever and a little under the weather but I need to get a little tougher– his and my sleep depends on it!
It's so hard to hear him screaming at the top of his lungs for me and seeing him so upset. The funny thing is he was totally fine while I was away for a month. But when I'm here he cries like I'm abandoning him forever and I can't take it so I think to myself "okay fine, just this one more night" but then one more night turns into one more week and then another and here we are. I also feel like since I'm working and running around all day, nights and mornings snuggling in bed is our bonding time but I'm definitely guilty of giving in to whining and crying a little more than I should. I totally understand why there are so many parenting books out there! This stuff is hard!!!
Reader Comments (9)
I know this advice will probably go against the mainstream...but oh well. I let my son sleep with me when he was little, and as a single mom who was busy working and going to school I felt similarly that it was a part of our bonding time to snuggle and read a book at night, etc. I tried several times to move him to his own bed on my schedule and it never worked...he would always crawl into bed with me at some point in the night and putting him to bed in his own bed and later room was so difficult that I always ended up giving in. The advice: eventually, when he was ready he started sleeping in his own bed. One day he said that he wanted to sleep in his own bed and he has been there ever since. Sometimes he still crawls in bed with me, but it is far less common and there is never any crying at bedtime...which is a huge bonus. So, it wouldn't be a horrible thing to wait for the right time for the both of you.
I also let my kids sleep with me as long as they needed but I can totally see not being able to do that with a household as full as yours!
My main piece of advice is that being sick always makes things worse - no matter what the issue! - so I'd advise waiting until he's over that fever before really working on it.
Also, where does he sleep when you are away? It might be easier to just talk to him before your next trip and let him know that when you come back, he'll continue to sleep where he sleeps when you're away. That way you're just continuing the momentum you already built up.
Time to cut the cord.
Different continents, same problem -- this is a big one, isn't it? stay strong! 30 years ago when i was having this trouble, my mom mentor (the lady next door) told me that my job, ultimately, was to make the kids independent, not dependent. so i hunkered down and did the deed. but wow, it was tough. specially when they are so darn cute and their little arms go around your neck. but sleep separation really can be done. Good luck, Maggie! Christine from Seattle.
thanks for your thoughts everyone!!!!
What I think is that if he has a good sleep in the night you can accostum him in his bed, if his sleep is disturbed or he has fears (like postraumatic dreams or others fears) it's better to think very deeply and to speak with him.
Interesting to think about what happens wen you are not at Kopila.
It's interesting to read also what's written here:
http://www.adoptmed.org/topics-folder/
under the title SLEEP.
I don't know who made the second photo but she/he's an artist.
Happy dreams.
Hey Maggie, Don't worry, I have the same problem with my dogs.
Seriously, move little Namraj onto the mattress (next to your bed) on the floor after he falls asleep.
You will both get a better night sleep. As he gets older, let him have sleep overs in the other kids room. He will decide it's more fun to be in the room with the other kids. Enjoy the snuggle time as he is growing up so fast.
I have spent many sleepless nights sleeping with Namraj so it is no surprise that I would say that if you want to do the numerous tasks that you do each day to ensure that the 52 people who live at the home and the 300 plus people who attend or work at the school are financially provided for and cared for and loved, then resolving this issue is an important one for all concerned. You have always had your own sleep issues so that would be a great place to start. He wanders all over the bed all night long so there are not many people who are going to be able to sleep with him. The information (link) Sara Mary has given in her comment is excellent and the book they recommend, "Sleepless in America" is available on iTunes.
You know my thoughts about Namraj's role at Kopila, he doesn't teach in the usual way, but he teaches none the less. When your sleep issues are resolved, his will mysteriously disappear and a new issue will appear. It's called life with children... the accelerated path to enlightenment !!
I've been a follower of your activities for some time; my wife and I think what you've been doing is remarkable. I have never posted before, but this subject really hit home. We have two boys, now 13 and 9 years old. One thing I've learned from them is that no two children are the same. My oldest took to sleeping in his own room right away while my youngest had the hardest time. When sleeping alone, he would suffer from night terrors. For quite a while, we would let him sleep with us, but he is active while asleep (as well as awake) and kept us up all night. We tried everything to get him to sleep alone, but his screaming each night was no good for him or us. So we found a happy medium. We put a mattress in our room, on the floor next to our bed. He was allowed to sleep there but not in our beds. The night terrors vanished (for the most part), and we all slept better. It took a long time, but about a month ago, he decided to sleep in his own room and has been doing so ever since. I present this suggestion because it's possible nothing you do will get Namraj to sleep alone as he's just not ready to do so yet. There's no need for you or him to suffer.