who's watching you*
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 12:08PM 
small Nisha and ShovaA teenage boy blurted something very rude to me in his limited english the other day on the road. It was a phrase I'm sure he learned from a particular akon/snoop dog song that has become popular over here. I was with some of the older girls and I responded as an angry overtired version of me who felt disrespected and not like the me I know. I'm not proud and I feel like I let the girls I was with down. I had the opportunity to teach them a lesson, and be a good model and I blew it in about 2.2 seconds time.
These days I'm paying more attention to how I act under stress. How I act when I'm angry and frustrated. How I speak with people at the shops or the fruit stand, bad drivers on the road, people that aren't moving fast enough for me, people who don't meet my expectations. I'm trying to become more aware of the things I do, even if only subconsciously. I'm noticing how much the children absorb from me, how much they watch me–they're like little sponges really. I'm becoming more aware because I realize that everything i do, everything i say, they're watching and learning, and here I am a walking living example to them of how to live and be all the while still learning for myself. So I'm working on things. On being a good neighbor. On being more patient, more present, saying thank you more, not rushing as much to get from one shop to the next and taking genuine interest in the lives of the people around me, making kind conversation with the butcher, and the cobbler, and the tailor, the guy at the bookshop where I buy their school supplies. Remembering names. Smiling more. Taking deep breaths.
Reader Comments (13)
Sounds like something that I am still working on (at 37) and that I will probably always be working on. One thing that has helped me is realising that I'm also setting an example when I lose my cool but then immediately notice and make amends and don't beat myself up about it. Your children will sometimes lose their cool - they also need to know how to behave afterwards - so if you do still sometimes find yourself acting like a normal, hot, busy, tired, cranky person then remember that you are also offering an example and an opportunity to learn - by the way to respond with kindness to the person affected AND to yourself.
Me too! And I'm 43 - 20 years on you Maggie!! You're way ahead of the curve!! Be proud!! You realize the power of what can happen in a blink.
Hi Maggie!
I would like to thank you for all the hard works you have done. I was born in Nepal but fortunately I'm currently living in US. I have never been to rural areas of Nepal but I know enough about the poor conditions in Nepal. I always wanted to do something after I'm done with my college educations. And now, that I got to meet you and see what you have done. You have become my inspiration to carry on with the goals in my life!
Good Luck and Thank you!
I would like to keep in touch with you!
Sincerely,
Susmik Lama
Hello Maggie.
Those are the same things that I was thinking before going to bed yesterday after having some not so common dialogue with my wife. IOnly last sunday that I realized again that I have to work more on this weakness of me but I blew it. I have been trying this for years and I stil blew, ( I claim my self working with kids for so many years). You are only 23 and already way ahead of many people ( including me ).
WOW. I am working on that and I'm 43. It's something that we are all working on, all the time. I'm sure you are harder on yourself than the girls actually were in their heads, and maybe they were cheering you on (like - yeah, you tell him Maggie!) It's easy for us to be hard on ourselves when we are role models, but, the slips and slides happen to everyone, and kids are the most forgiving. Think of all the wonderful ways you affect the lives of those around you, take a deep breath and just Be. Smile and move on with your day.
We all love you.
Your post reminded me of this poem!
Little Eyes Upon You
By: Author Unknown
There are little eyes upon you
and they're watching night and day.
There are little ears that quickly
take in every word you say.
There are little hands all eager
to do anything you do;
And a little boy who's dreaming
of the day he'll be like you.
You're the little fellow's idol,
you're the wisest of the wise.
In his little mind about you
no suspicions ever rise.
He believes in you devoutly,
holds all you say and do;
He will say and do, in your way
when he's grown up just like you.
There's a wide-eyed little fellow
who believes you're always right;
and his eyes are always opened,
and he watches day and night.
You are setting an example
every day in all you do;
For the little boy who's waiting
to grow up to be like you.
It's ironic that Akon is supposedly "doing something" while simultaneously placing and his degrading words and lyrics into the mouths of children and spraeding them around the world, even to a remote village in Nepal . Take these experiences as "teaching moments" which can only come through experience, biting your tongue when you should have said something, exploding when you should have bitten your tongue. By refining this skill, you can turn the world into a classroom, not with angry confrontation, but with poignant responses that evoke self-reflection and a shift in consciousness.
we are all searching for something to hold on to. something that makes us smile. something that fills us with love and light. you will not always be that for everyone. you are only human. that greatest gift you can give them is the ability to see sadness and fill themselves with hope. see anger and fill themselves with love. see frustration and fill themselves with patience. do the best you can do, awareness is everything.... we are all learning. remember to breathe breathe breathe..
Maggie - i think you're a little too hard on yourself. 1st: as everyone else is saying - it's an ongoing struggle...we are always trying to be in more control of our emotions and actions....but we are inperfect beings - slips will come, slips will go. Your "teachable moments" aren't only for the kids...they're also for YOU - and it's sounding like you used it quite well!
2nd: there is 1 thing i think those girls may have learned from that experience---(and i'm just guessing, because i wasn't there) - but they possibly learned that they should never quietly accept being spoken to in such ways that those songs present - to stand up for themselves...be strong...yes: 'pick your battles' - but don't allow the misogyny to degrade them in such ways.
Chin up! you're already knee deep in this 'teachable moment'! ;-)
-Sean
Thank you for your honesty. For being vulnerable and real. For growing and learning and struggling openly. You inspire others by the choices you make. Sharing struggles as well as dreams and successes also inspires. It places us all on common ground. I appreciate how you do life!!
Maggie...I have to go along with Sean...there are times when not only is it acceptable to respond in an angry way, it's not giving the right message to respond any other way. I don't know what the boy said so I can't say for sure if I think you did the right thing or not , but if it was degrading to you as a woman I would rather see you get snippy with him than just look the other way. There is way too much abuse of women going on in the world today and I think to let your girls know that some things just really aren't okay, isn't bad or weak, it's standing up for what's right!....I think it's really wonderful that you realize what an influence you are in their lives. And trying to be the best person we can be, is a life long process. Don't be too hard on yourself....You're doing a wonderful job! ~~~oxox
thanks everybody for your sweet thoughtful comments
Hi Maggie,
I really like what everyone has written and "second" all of it. What didn't get much attention, though, are all your beautiful intentions in the second paragraph, eg. "making kind conversation with the butcher, and the cobbler, and the tailor", etc. Your life wisdom is leading you to such rich places; my hunch is that when you use your awareness to bring forth all these little goodnesses in everyday life (which are not going to come all at once but will grow) that's what's going to leave the most indelible mark. And as for those frogs that inevitably will jump out of your mouth now and then, well, I have a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson for that (and it has a prominent place on our fridge):
"Finsh each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
You are indeed doing an amazing job.
oxoxox