Notes on the past 72 hours

said goodbye to 27 darlings

sat on a loooong bus ride

drugged myself with Dramamine

got poked at by nepalis checking to see if i was still alive

arrived in delhi at my favorite little "guest home" (i love how they call it that)

walked the streets of delhi and decided if i was ever a food critic i'd want to be one of street food... it's sooo good

got on the plane for my first trip ever to the netherlands

sprawled out across three seats and slept

got picked up at the airport by a very kind man Jeroen (the guy whose idea the summit was.) He woke up at 4 in the morning just to come get me!

learned some new dutch phrases on the drive

got to the hotel and met rebecca aka the action jackson superhero, wonder woman who planned the whole summit!

ate breakfast and decided rebecca should be my new best friend

walked around and explored rotterdam a bit

came back to my hotel room and took my first hot bath/shower/hot real ANYTHING in 5 months

stayed in the bath until i felt like a dizzy wrinkled raisin

got out

got back in

got out

ate swiss chocolate

read my book

took a second bath

*while eating swiss chocolate and reading my book

locked myself IN my room (who does that?) and felt like a  real ditz when i had to call the front desk and of course a cute guy came to get me out

"You have to turn the handle miss," -him (said in a thick dutch accent)

"I'm tryyyyying but I can't get out!!" - me

proud of myself for saying "dahnk yuh vel" when i finally DID get out and made cute dutch boy smile

met up with all the people who have arrived so far for japanese hibachi dinner

ate good tempura and miso soup

good night sleep in white crisp hotel sheets

another hot bath (because even with all the baths yesterday i didn't wash my hair... oops)

decided that if there was a enviro police they would have come and put me in jail for wasting water

up and at em' heading to TEDx in Amsterdam today!

Me in my hotel room this morning... hot water + bathtub = bliss

Be happy

A message on my desk this morning from Anjeli

Happy Birthday Sister Kate!

Maya today in the field across the streetI really lucked out in the big sister department.  You are the best of the best.  You were here for me this year when I really needed you.  Thank you.  I love you so so much.  So much love yah? 

Happy Birthday.  Wish you were here to snuggle in bed with me and Maya.  Instead I'll picture you in your pig tails, hula-hooping, blowing bubbles and eating chocolate.  Yes.  The best big sister everrrr.

Make a wish!

on growing up

A few of the girls and I stopped by a little road side stand to grab a quick bite to eat today while running errands in the market.  In the same moment three 16 year old girls, all in the tenth grade stopped by and sat on the bench next to us.  They were on their way home from a tutoring session and were living in a private boarding school getting ready for take their SLC exam (an equivalent to our GED.)  They spoke perfect English.   Three well educated, passionate, young girls pursuing their studies, with sure signs of bright futures written all over their faces.  They hadn't been married off, or sold, or forced to drop out of school at 14 or 15 like the girls I usually run in the same circle with and whose stories I'm so used to by now.  They were given a chance.  It was refreshing to talk with them.  

Their fathers are apparently big time politicians and business men in town. We talked about Nepal, it's problems, it's politics, the good and the bad.  I asked them what their next plans were after they graduated.  One girl said she wanted to work for the forestry department to help stop deforestation, the other wanted to become a doctor, and the third wanted to study robotics and technology.  I was impressed.  My girls stared at them in awe marveling at their jeans, the cute scarves around their necks, the way they spoke so easily and comfortably with me in English.  They were kind and charming, confident yet, unassuming.  For as long as we talked, they didn't ask why the girls were living with me, or what happened to their parents, or about how unfortunate their lives must have been.  People almost always ask.  But they hadn't, it was as if they knew.

"Soon these girls here are going to be your age,"  I told them, "and you three are going to be off changing the world.  Good luck on your exams girls."  

As we headed home I kept thinking about them.  I felt like I had gotten a little sneak peak into the future.  For the first time I felt excited for the kids getting older.  I pictured them all a few years from now and wondered how they were going to be, what they're going to want to do, study, be interested in.   

We reached home just as it was getting dark.  The kids were all outside playing, barefoot, in the dirt, with their noses running.  I saw they had made a fort out of old rice and potato sacks, bamboo and sticks and were sitting inside having a pow wow session.  As I got closer I realized they were having an imaginary birthday party, with cake and presents made out of mud.

I sat down, had a piece of cake and took part in the celebration.  My party favor was a shiny green marble. 

Then again, I'd be fine if they never grew up too, I thought.  I really like them just the way they are right now. 

 Small Nisha and Deepak

who's watching you*

small Nisha and ShovaA teenage boy blurted something very rude to me in his limited english the other day on the road.  It was a phrase I'm sure he learned from a particular akon/snoop dog song that has become popular over here.  I was with some of the older girls and I responded as an angry overtired version of me who felt disrespected and not like the me I know.  I'm not proud and I feel like I let the girls I was with down. I had the opportunity to teach them a lesson, and be a good model and I blew it in about 2.2 seconds time.  

These days I'm paying more attention to how I act under stress.  How I act when I'm angry and frustrated. How I speak with people at the shops or the fruit stand, bad drivers on the road, people that aren't moving fast enough for me, people who don't meet my expectations.  I'm trying to become more aware of the things I do, even if only subconsciously.  I'm noticing how much the children absorb from me, how much they watch me–they're like little sponges really.  I'm becoming more aware because I realize that everything i do, everything i say, they're watching and learning, and here I am a walking living example to them of how to live and be all the while still learning for myself.  So I'm working on things. On being a good neighbor.  On being more patient, more present, saying thank you more, not rushing as much to get from one shop to the next and taking genuine interest in the lives of the people around me, making kind conversation with the butcher, and the cobbler, and the tailor, the guy at the bookshop where I buy their school supplies. Remembering names. Smiling more. Taking deep breaths.